This is an old essay I wrote 4 months ago, I have no idea why did I post it here but I hope people who reads it will like it. I realize there would be a dozen of grammar mistakes but it still worth a try. So now… Tadaa!!
“Chris, what’s your star sign?”
Her words haunted me for the past 2 years and I drowned myself in tears day and night. Until this second, she never stops festering my thought and I regreted my whole life for not spending more time by her side nor be there at her last moment. I loved her and it is all too late now.. Sharon, I am sorry, it is all my fault.. I love you, I really do.
Sharon was a fallen angel. Her beauty was a stroke of art and her feline grace would grasp Tom, Dick and Harry’s heart in no time. While her cheerful spirit held many spellbound, it is never outlandish to see most girls around full with envious. She was also born with a silver spoon and everyone believes she would have an elixir of life.
It was my first time to meet Sharon in the music store when I was skimming for new albums to buy. I swear it was the most delightful moment to see her delicate fingers dancing on the piano keyboard. When she decided to leave, I chased her and asked her out with fortitude. I know it was a straightforward yet stupid move but out of my mind, she agreed.
Unlike others, Sharon was surprisingly friendly and we shared many similarities. Sometimes, we do argue when we opine in different degree of view on certain topics but most of the time, we just chill and hang out together. Before we realize, we had fell into the river of love.
“Chris, what’s your star sign?”
Sharon asked me with full curiousity and since I was never into horoscope, I did not answer. “Chris, did you know? I never liked my name as Sharon. How I wish my name was Esther, the stars,” Sharon soften her tone and put her head on my arm. Both of us were engulfed by the diamond sea of stars as we lay on the vast grassfield. She always have an affinity on stars and I knew it since the day we spoke to each other.
“Chris, do you love me?” Sharon looked me with uncertain eyes, worried. “Yes, a lot,” I patted her head. A smile broke on her lips but soon faded and convulsed into tears. I was astonished and before I manage to respond, she spoke. It was my nightmare.
“I’ll be admitted to the hospital tomorrow. The doctor said I have brain cancer..” Sharon hugged me tightly and cried her lungs out. I was lost in words and my mind was blank. Then, I kissed her forehead and cuddled her trying to calm her down. What can I do now?
I always visited her whenever the time allows me to and she never miss a chance to complain about the medicine and therapy she endured in ward. I would sit and listen and comfort her. My affection for her did not stop but grows more and more everyday. I promised to her and myself that I would be by her side and whenever she needs me – I failed.
I was putting all my attention to finish the assignments before deadline and my phone vibrated continuosly for a few times and stopped in 5 minutes. A message was recieved afterthat. When I was taking a break, I read it. My eyes dilated and I drop my phone as I zoomed myself out of the house.
“Chris.. you’re rotten to the core.. You lied..”
Here she lays, pale and cold on a bed and hand over the cellphone. It was too late.. I am sorry.. I kneeled in front of her and guilt surrounded me. I crashed her faith on me and it was all my fault. If it was not of my selfishness, this would never happen. Sharon, I am sorry.. I seriously love you.. I mean it.. I love you Sharon, I really do..
That night, I sat on the grassfield we once enjoyed before. Not a single glow can be seen in the sky but perpetual darkness which released a sense of wrath and mockery. The chilling wind tapered my tears, whispering endearments on my ear. Sharon, if you can hear me, my star sign is Scorpio, the sign which hates it’s precious taken away by others. Sharon, I will never forgive myself, not even once. I hate myself.
Sharon, is this how you feel when you are facing the reaper? My body are not listening to my order nor I know what is happening. I saw an ambulance and people surrounding me. Why am I laying on the road? Sharon, I am not afraid cause I feel closer to you right now. Sharon, I love you.. a lot.. I.. really…. do..