The Confession of If

It was definitely amusing on how unexpected circumstances are able to change your entire life experience at times, and for that, as how rare it may seemed, I decided to continue my tradition on typing a personal blog post whenever I made another big step in my life.

For this time round, I will look into the story of IF, a rough scenario on the outcome of my current life if I was to take another route previously, be it big or small. As usual, do expect this post to be a tad bit long and obviously, you may take your leave at any moment if you wanted to. Else, be my guest and read on.

The first IF I wanted to speak about would be the confidence I had when I proclaimed I would venture into art field by hook or by crook inside my high school swansong post. Truth to be told, I was serious about it, and yet, life did not went as how I wanted it to be – I ended up in an entirely different field.

So now, how would I be like IF I was to be in art field? Personally wise, I believe my self-esteem may not be as high as what I have now if I am in arts. As much as I hate to admit it, art has minimal standings in my country and the amount of people who would truly appreciate it is just saddening.  Although a part of me is still upset on the change of plan, in one way or another, I actually questioned myself if I would be truly happy staying on the art side.

The second IF I am sharing would be my sudden decision on wanting to study abroad for my degree. During my second year of degree, I had the sudden urge to continue my studies in another country, for unexplained reasons. You could say I wanted to experience something new, or simply, I was finding excuses to prolong my education life to escape the working society. But yes, it did not work out and I cancelled that idea.

IF I did went ahead and popped myself in another country, then I suppose I would miss a lot of other experienced I had when I was finishing my final year of degree locally. The people I met would be different, so is the job I currently have. Worst come to worst, I might have cursed myself on the pathetic decision I have made just to avoid stepping out of my comfort zone and go to work. I can be a real coward, you see.

The third and the last IF I will be posting would be my desire on attending the Hong Kong Dollism Plus 8 (HKDP) happened this year July. I had always wanted to attend doll events, but never gotten the chance to – until this. As the date of HKDP went closer and by chance, I was not in my best state for my life, I somehow managed to get a hold of myself and asked my parents regarding the event, in which I was glad that I did.

IF I backed out by silencing myself like how I always do in front of my family, I would not have attended the HKDP where I had so much fond memories of, or even, not being able to get to know a whole group of new friends and one who is dear to me. Life would be different, as day by day, it was these friends I met who got me up when I was hitting rock bottom, indirectly without their knowledge. I am grateful, in many senses, and I am still am.

Despite all I had overcome and experience in my life may be shallow to many people out there in the world, I learned that everything happens for a reason and it is up to us to decide it is for the good or the other way round.

Like what my friend once said, there isn’t any moon cake that is not sweet in this world; you simply cannot deny reality, facts lying bare in front of you. As cruel as it may seem, the best way to deal with them is to face them directly upon salvaging whatever fortitudes that is left within you. Yet, never ever forget to dream, dream high and might, as what is life if there is no dream at all?


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